On my drive into work yesterday I realized something. It's so easy to be patient with my husband when he is sick. I don't expect anything out of him because I know he feels terrible and I want to do whatever I can to help him get better. The true test of patience is when we are both well and able, because that is when I set expectations for him, often too high. When we got home Sunday night, I unpacked his suitcase along with mine, did a few loads of laundry, and cleaned up the apartment, because it was easy to serve him when I knew he needed it. On any normal night, my thoughts usually go like this: "why should I fold his laundry or cook him dinner when he hasn't taken out the smelly trash in 4 days?" or "he can clean up his pile of mail, and I'll just work around it until he notices it's bugging me" (which, by the way, he doesn't ever). I'll get home from work on a Tuesday and have lots of energy and want to get some chores done, expecting him to have the same amount of energy as me even though I know he's worked a long day (and maybe didn't get that afternoon caffeine jolt like I did). If I have something on my to-do list, I expect him to know it's on there and to do something about it.
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Why do I set these uncommunicated expectations when I know I will only be disappointed? My job as a wife is to serve my husband. Period. Regardless of what I get in return. Keeping score in a marriage will surely start fights, this I have learned. I'm thankful for this little lesson in patience. I'm sure I'll get a good many more over the course of our marriage, as it seems I am so quick to forget!
my boyfriend and i recently had this conversation - keeping score is not healthy for a marriage/relationship. doing things for one another without expecting something in return is the goal. and being selfless can be hard, but rewarding. your post is a great perspective (and reminder) about that.
ReplyDeletethat's awesome you and your boyfriend talked about this - you guys must be close and that is so great! we have always talked openly about our feelings and our relationship since we started dating and it has been so helpful. not to say we don't fight, but I think our relationship is much more healthy since we're open
Deletewhat a wise post! it's so important to communicate expectations too - i think so many marriages don't and then they get mad but never told their spouse what they wanted them to do. and good for you for being patient when he's sick - i'm pretty bad in that aspect!
ReplyDeleteyes, communication is key! wouldn't it be nice if they could just read our minds though? ...or wait, that would probably backfire on me real fast
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