Luke & Addie's birth story

I can’t believe I didn’t write out the twins’ birth story last year. I kept wanting to, and I did start the story but never finished it. I could use the excuse of having twins to care for (and believe me, I was in a fog for at least the first 6 months), but the real reason is that it was just so hard to process it all. The intensity of what happened during labor and birth, the emotions, the wonderful impact becoming a mother has had on my heart and my life… it was all too much. Fourteen months in, I think I may have found the words. Or at least some words. And I want to get all the details down before I start forgetting.

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On Thursday afternoon, I was busy getting things done around the house and my water broke in a not-so-obvious way while I was going to the bathroom. I called Michael and said, “I think my water broke but I’m not sure… but if it did I’m pretty sure I need to call the doctor” (I had tested positive for group B strep and knew there was a risk of infection once my water broke). I called the doctor and they said I could come in and confirm my water had broken, or I could just go into the hospital. It seemed so weird to go in when I wasn’t yet having contractions, but I knew we needed to go. At that point I was positive it was my water broken. I remember feeling frazzled but calm trying to grab my toiletries for my hospital bag and putting fresh sheets on the bed since I’d just washed all of those. What an odd feeling to know we were leaving the house for the last time of it only being the two of us.

I started crying on the way to the hospital just feeling the weight of all we were about to go through - I was terrified but more so excited. I just couldn’t wait to meet these two babies!

We got to the hospital and had to wait in the waiting room. Remember, I wasn’t having any contractions yet and felt completely normal (other than having the weight of 2 bowling balls attached to my torso). Then we went into the hospital room and they started hooking me up to monitors which I found terribly itchy and uncomfortable. I wanted to walk around and see if labor would progress naturally, but the monitors made me feel like I was chained to the bed like an invalid, while feeling totally fine. I really wished I hadn’t have had to wear those, or that I had the gumption to request to take them off to walk around for a bit. Of course there was more waiting and I think we were there for a few hours before we even saw the doctor. Baby A (Luke) was head down so we were still on track to go for a vaginal birth... however, still no contractions were happening so at 9pm they started the Pitocin to induce labor. My family, who had driven down from Virginia, arrived somewhere in there and came up to visit in pairs, as did my friend Jen who was freaking out more than I was which was hilarious. Later on in the night contractions still hadn’t started so we decided to get some sleep while we still could.

I think I slept for around an hour and a half before I woke up to contractions that felt like strong menstrual cramps around 12:30 or 1am, and I was pretty much awake from that point on. The contractions kept getting stronger and I started thinking I'm probably getting the epidural. I had wanted to try not to, but the Pitocin’s sharp contractions were SO intense. At some point my doctor checked me and said I was 6 cm dilated. I asked if it would slow down labor to do the epidural, and he said if I was going to do it at all I should do it now. I decided to go for it, and I was so glad I did. Immediate relief.

The next thing I knew, at around 6am they said I was 10 cm and it was time to push! This was where it started getting really hard. I pushed with everything I had, but Luke's head still wasn't coming down. When I got to a point where I was really feeling discouraged, Michael suggested having my mom come up for moral support. I never would have thought I'd have her in the room with me, but at that point it just sounded like a really good idea. I'm so glad I had her come in and encourage me! I kept pushing for what seemed like forever, only to find out we were hardly making progress because Luke's head was face up instead of face down. His forehead was just hitting my pelvic bone. As I pushed, the doctor tried to turn his head, but Addie was lying on top of him, pretty much pinning him in that position. Since I had already been pushing for over 2 hours, my doctor suggested that we think about doing a c-section. The thought of doing a c-section at that point was almost relieving. We prayed about it, I pushed a few more times, and then we decided a c-section was what we needed to do.

As soon as we gave the word, everything went on high speed. The anesthesiologist was telling me what to expect in the surgery, nurses were getting me prepped and the next thing I knew I was being wheeled into the OR. It was all really surreal. I have no clue why, but I was so nervous about feeling the surgery. I didn't think I would be that nervous about a c-section but when the time came my nerves were wired. The surgical team was so great - everyone talked me through it all and they were so assuring, especially when Michael was out of the room getting the scrubs on. The doctor walked in and said, “Well, are you ready to meet your daughter?” and I lost it (I guess he thought Addie might be pulled out first?). I don’t know if the drugs were already kicking in but just hearing the word “daughter” made it real. In a matter of minutes I was about to have a daughter and a son. When Michael came in I was so emotional and never felt that nervous about something in my life. I asked him to pray with me to calm me down, and that put me in tears (again) as well as all of the nurses. I’m so thankful God prompted us to pray throughout the entire process. To know the experience was covered in prayer and that God was with us through it all overshadows any of the bad parts. God is God regardless of the circumstances, and He was there with us in that operating room.

Once they started the surgery it was pretty quick - Luke came out first and as soon as I heard his loud cry I started bawling. They brought him around and I saw his little body and his dark hair and it was the most incredible thing. Soon after they pulled out Addie. She didn't cry right away, and I was saying, "I don't hear her crying - why isn't she crying?" (I was definitely freaking out). A moment later she let out her first cry. She was just a bit stunned! Then they brought her around for me to see and I remember exclaiming at how beautiful she was. Michael was able to go into the other room and meet them and hold them. I'm so glad one of us was able to do that.

The twins and their daddy! Born Friday, January 8, 2016

Luke David, 5 lbs. 10 oz.

Adeline Jane, 5 lbs. 9 oz.

After that they started trying to sew me back together, and all of the sudden I felt pain on my insides on the left, like the drugs weren't working anymore. It was so scary and I was acting pretty hysterical, so they started pumping me with more drugs and gave me laughing gas to calm me down. After that point I was pretty loopy and everything was a fog. I don't quite understand this part but this is what I was told - because my uterus had gotten so stretched carrying twins, there were a lot of blood clots lining my uterus that wouldn't come out and were preventing it from shrinking back down like it was supposed to. So they had to pull those blood clots out. Thankfully I don't really remember much from that part, but I do remember it hurting every time they pressed on my belly. After they finally got me stabilized, they brought the twins in and I got to hold them for the first time, but I was still pretty groggy. I remember trying my hardest to feel it and really soak in the moment but feeling incapable of being fully there. Such a weird feeling. We finally were able to go into our recovery room and I held those babies close on my chest and it felt so good to have some time with them just by ourselves. Soon after that our families got to come in and meet them. I was completely overwhelmed by the number of people and really wish I could have enjoyed that part more. I just felt so exhausted and drugged and like I could barely process what was happening.

The next day I still felt pretty terrible, and they checked my blood levels and I was really low - I was supposed to have 11 or 12 units of blood and I had 5.2. So they had to give me 3 units via blood transfusion. That night I felt a lot better and started to regain my energy and strength. Those first 48 hours after delivery I felt so terrible and weak and I remember wondering how in the world I would be able to care for these babies. The human body is an amazing thing and it heals so much faster than you think it would. I felt worlds different on day 5 when I finally went home.

Although the twins were in in our room with us the first few days, they both ended up needing to go to the NICU for monitoring. Addie stayed 2 nights and Luke stayed 8 nights. At the time it was so hard to have them be there and not have a normal coming home experience, but we got through it. Once they were home with us it just didn’t matter. Yes, our birth story was complicated and not how we pictured, and to be honest pretty traumatic for me, but does birth ever really go as planned? Our babies were healthy, I was healthy, and there’s nothing more we could ask for than that. They are the greatest gifts we've ever been given and I'm so, so thankful for them every day. They have changed our lives forever and we are honored to be their parents.

Growing Two: 29 weeks

Just wanted to jot down some thoughts from where I stand at week 29 of pregnancy. A random week to do so, but here I am. So much is going on lately! And mostly good things. The days are going slow but the weeks are going by fast, and I can only imagine that the pace will pick up as we're right on the cusp of the holiday season.

Growing Two: 18 week update

I haven't been great at documenting this first pregnancy. I'm not really sure why. I mean, we are SO excited and thrilled about this adventure. We waited for what felt like so long, and now we've been blessed with two babies to love! We are overjoyed to say the least. So here's my attempt to catch up!

10 weeks - notice sleeping Cooper in the background!

We have news!

You may have already seen this on social media, but in case you missed it...

We are over the moon excited and feeling so thankful for these gifts from God. I am so thankful for each and every one of your prayers. It is amazing to have people congratulate us and tell us they have been praying for us all of this time. Praise God for His perfect timing! This is better than we could have ever pictured!

Our Love Story: Part 2

from the archives: taken on our second date

To read part 1, click here.

A couple days into settling into life at home in Virginia for the summer, Michael called me. A few days later, he called me again. And then again. Soon we were pretty regularly talking on the phone about every other day, and usually our conversations lasted for a couple hours. I think once our record was three. And that's saying a lot for me, because talking on the phone isn't really my favorite thing. It was all of the getting-to-know-you stuff - basically we were dating on the phone since we couldn't do it in person.

Our Love Story: Part 1

A couple weekends ago, we celebrated our 5th anniversary. I can't believe we have been married for 5 years! But really, it does feel like we've been together for a long, long time. I can't remember what it feels like to NOT be married. Our lives are so intertwined now, and I love that comfortable familiar feeling of sharing my life with my best friend. I know it's mushy but it's true, and I think I'm allowed some sap once a year! So, in honor of our anniversary, I decided to finally share the story of how and when we met. It is unnecessarily long and detailed, so much so that it's divided into 2 posts. So read at your own leisure :)

Kale & Black Bean Salad

This past weekend I was trying to figure out what to bring to a cookout using ingredients that I had in my fridge... and I came up with this. I was pretty pleased with the way it turned out! The kale doesn't get soggy and I liked that it was a bean salad that was packed with veggies. I have the feeling I'll be making some version of this a lot this summer! Later I thought if I had a red onion that might have been a good addition, or maybe a red bell pepper, or substitute feta for the parmesan. You could even add quinoa to bulk it up. I think you could use a number of ingredients and it would turn out great as long as you've got a good base dressing. My favorites are homemade dressings, or the Good Seasons packets, which are basically homemade just easier. Homemade is so much better than store bought!

Favorites lately

This is a post of some random products I've been loving lately. I'm not getting paid by any of these brands, just wanted to share because I always love hearing what others are using and really love. A personal recommendation is always better!

1. Kiehl's Rare Earth Deep Pore Cleansing Masque - I am in love with this mask. Lately I feel like my pores have expanded to the size of pepperonis. Not sure if it's my age or what, but I feel like my face never looks smooth anymore. I can truly feel this mask going deep into my skin, and when I wash it off my face feels really cleansed and fresh looking. It makes a big difference! I use it a couple times a week, much to my husband's chagrin (apparently face masks are scary!).

When life doesn't go as planned

I've been putting off sharing this for a long time, because I wasn't ready to talk about it. Maybe I wasn't ready to acknowledge it. I've been in a rough spot for a long time, and it's been difficult to process through my emotions. I finally feel like I'm in a place where I can and want to talk about it, so here goes.

Michael and I have been trying to start a family for over a year, and it hasn't happened for us yet.

I never, ever thought we'd be here. When we didn't get pregnant in the first couple months, after doing some research online the statistics brought reassurance and I was sure we'd be pregnant within six months of trying. Six months came and went, and so did seven, eight, nine... and before I knew it, I was looking back at one whole year of trying and failing to get pregnant.

Whole30: DONE!

Yesterday was my last day of the Whole30! While I am pretty excited to try some foods that I missed (cheese, homemade bread, chips & salsa), I am not feeling the urge to completely binge or go crazy on those foods. I miss them on occasion, but what I learned from doing the Whole30 is that I don't need those foods in my diet. If I get home from work starving and craving pizza or something bread-y, I can take a little time to cook a clean meal and I am completely satisfied. It's been empowering to realize this.

It was definitely a challenge, but it really got so much easier by the 3rd and 4th week. I would say the hardest part was being completely strict, as in no leeway or cheat meals allowed. For the future, I've decided that I am going to do my best to eat Whole30/paleo during the week and then give myself some freedom on the weekends. It also taught me how to eat at home. It's so easy to choose to eat out, because, duh, it's easy. But since there really isn't much in restaurants that is Whole30 compliant, I had to eat at home, and it really wasn't bad. In fact, it was good. No, every meal was not amazing. Some were awesome (we made both shepherd's pie and pork chops twice!), and some meals were simple and nothing to write home about. But even if it's just okay, and I can still be satisfied and feel great afterward. It's good food that is nourishing my body, and that's what matters.

Favorite Whole30 Items from Costco

This is probably not ground breaking information, but I just thought I'd share in case others are looking for Whole30 compliant foods to buy at Costco. On my first Whole30 shopping trip it took me forever to scan through the ingredients on each product and figure out what was compliant. That store is huge, but if you know what you're looking for, it makes the chore a lot easier!

Whole30: 10 days in

I'm 10 days in and I have to say, eating Whole30 compliant hasn't really made my life all that different. We are eating delicious food, I feel full after a meal, and we're still doing the same things with our day-to-day schedule. Just maybe a little more time spent in the kitchen prepping (on my part anyway...).

Random notes & thoughts:

+ It really isn't that hard to eat well during the week. Every night in the first week I craved bread, a glass of wine, dessert, SOMETHING with sugar in it, but I am slowly getting used to it. This is interesting to me because I'm not that much of a sweets person, but I guess sugar has always been somewhere in my diet, so when I can't have it I crave dessert. We make mocktails if we're feeling weak - seltzer water and fresh lemon juice - or sometimes I'll have some hot raspberry tea. They certainly don't have the flavor that I'm used to in the evenings, but it really helps to be sipping something.

Whole30: The Start

Pardon the radio silence - I know it's been awhile! And I know 2014 was overall sparse... I took some unintentional time off from blogging, simply to have a mental reset. I felt like I needed to reevaluate what I spend my time on and find out what was worth my time. I don't know if I'm fully back to blogging, but I wanted to document my experience through Whole30, just to keep track of this own personal goal of mine.


I started Whole30 yesterday. Thankfully Michael is doing it with me, even if he's already said he wants a "cheat day" on the weekends. I don't blame him - this diet is no joke. It is whole foods only, omitting all grains, dairy, legumes, sugar, and alcohol. It sounds pretty scary when you read that list.

It all started when I read this post by Anna almost a year ago.

Ireland

Sometimes I forget about this ol' blog. Now that it's been over a month since we returned from our trip overseas, I figured it's high time I showed you some photos!

We seriously had the best time. While the trip sure had its share of stress and lack of sleep, we feel so grateful for all that we were able to see and do. Of course we only wish we had more time! Ireland is a beautiful, beautiful country. The neat thing about it is that while there are so many tourists who travel through every year, you can go see the famous spots and they still feel untouched.

Europe!

photo credit

When we got back from our trip up north, it dawned on us that we only had a month left to plan out our trip to Europe in September. That's right, we're going to England and Ireland in just a few weeks! We had been wanting to do a trip to Europe this year, and the fact that my friend moved to a town right outside London just sealed the deal. I cannot wait to see London and walk some cobblestone streets in the Cotswolds. I'm also dying to explore the gorgeous green Irish countryside that I've heard about so much about! We have our flights and hotels booked, but all of our activities are going to be a little flexible, based on what we want to see the most while we're there. If you've ever been to either country, I'd love to hear what your favorite spots are!

Summer vacation: 1000 Islands

Oh Mudlunta, how I love you.

A couple weeks ago we took a long road trip up to the family cottage in the 1000 Islands. It was an incredible week! We had a bit of rain, but that didn't stop us from enjoying our vacation. The best part of the 1000 islands is just being there. Soaking in the peaceful quiet of the river, spending time with family, reading until your heart's content, taking a ride in the kayak whenever you want to (even in when it's raining!), sailing in the open water. There's so much to do all the time, but somehow it's a slow pace too. I don't think I realized how much I needed the island. I needed that week off from work. I needed that quality time with my little family. But I think mostly I needed the break from life - a pause from the normal day-to-day stuff that tends to wear you down after a while. I was able to find some rest for my mind, and that is the best part about vacation no matter where you are.

To the Island we go

Tomorrow (!!) we are headed up north to Canada to stay in Michael's family cabin in the Thousand Islands.

I cannot tell you how excited I am to be up there for a whole week - boating around the St. Lawrence River, enjoying the crisp clear weather, and just simply taking a break from life for a bit. It's been at least 2 years since I've had a full week's vacation from work, and to say I've needed it recently is an understatement.

It's kind of hard to describe how amazing it is up there, but it really is some kind of dreamland. The cabin is super old and rickety (occasionally we see bugs and mice), we shower in the outdoor showers, and we are either wearing a swimsuit or sweatpants 24/7. So I wouldn't exactly call it glamorous, but it is seriously the best vacation from the hustle and bustle of normal life. We will have no wifi or cell service, which I'm about 90% excited / 10% freaking out about. It will be good for me. To go whole days with no email, no instagram, no facebook, and just BE. I have a stack of books to read - The Paris Wife, The Guernsey Potato Peel Literary Society, and The Book Thief, to name a few - and for the most part I'll either be doing that or exploring out on the water. Cooper is going with us, and he is going to have the time of his life exploring the island, swimming, and running around with his favorite buddy Snickers. I. Can't. Wait.

I'll be posting photos on Instagram when I can, but I don't really know how often that will be. I'll for sure be blogging our trip when return!

>> Have you ever been to the Thousand Islands? Do you have any small town recommendations for exploring along the St. Lawrence River? Last time I was up there we went to Clayton, Alexandria, and Gananoque, but I'm open to exploring new places! I even thought about making the 2.5 hour drive up to Montreal since I've never been. Would it be worth it?

Roasted pepper, goat cheese, & basil pasta

Happy Friday! Thank goodness it's the weekend, amiright?! The weather here has suddenly cooled to a beautiful 80-degrees-and-sunny for the last couple days, which is unheard of mid-July in North Carolina. We have been eating out on our back patio in the evenings, exercising outside, and overall just enjoying the lack of humidity. It's been lovely. It also makes it especially hard to sit in an office all day, hence the strong TGIF emotions I've been feeling all day!

4th of July Weekend

How was your 4th of July weekend? Ours was fantastic. I loved that the holiday fell on a weekend this year! The weather was unbelievably gorgeous and unusually not humid, so we got to spend most of it outside and I have to say I loved it. I can't remember a 4th of July with such amazing weather!

Girls Weekend in New York City

Back in April, my mom, sisters, and I got to realize a dream that we've had for awhile - spend a weekend together in New York. And it was everything we'd hoped it would be! It was a quick trip, but we had two full days to eat and tour our way around the city, and that was enough to do a lot. I flew in from North Carolina, and they drove up from DC and we met at our hotel on Saturday morning to drop off our things and get started on our day! We had the best time just being together, having girl talk and seeing bits of the big city. I think we need to make this happen more than once in our lifetime.